You Can't Do It Alone

Making positive decisions and taking corrective steps can be very difficult when helping a person who is influenced by a life-controlling problem. As a helper, not to become a part of the problem is often a challenge. Ecclesiastes 8:9 says, “There is a time when a man lords it over others to his own hurt.”

There are some key points to consider when battling for a loved one’s life.

Rid yourself of the messiah complex

Although we may not want to admit it, we want to see help come so much that we take on the role of God. For example: “If something happens to her, it’s my fault,” or “If I had been there that night, I would have spared him the embarrassment.” We simply need to take a deep breath and realize that He is God. Call time-out. “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

Prepare for the “put-downs"

You can expect put-downs from your loved one and from Satan. It is important to keep the put-downs from your loved one in perspective. These are often temporary and not lifetime. When in the grasp of a life-controlling problem, a person will often toss put-downs at those they love the most. Although it is difficult, try not to take it personally. Remember, they are probably blind to their problem and the communication is with the life-controlling problem, not the person you may have known in the past.

Beware of false guilt and shame

As for Satan, we need to understand how to deal with him. There are two important things to remember. (1) He is the “accuser of our brothers (and sisters), who accuses them before our God day and night” (Revelation 12:10). With this in mind, we need to be alert to his accusations. (2) He will always look at your faults and remind you often. When you are serving Christ, always remember any voice that puts you down is never from God. Even in correction, the Holy Spirit will convict and lead us to Jesus. The Apostle Paul writes about “the authority the Lord gave us for building you up rather than pulling you down” (2 Corinthians 10:8).

Search your heart

Ask the Lord to give you clear thinking and remove any obstacles that may exist between you and Him. Although David was a poor role model for a parent or husband, he is a Bible character that is well-known and respected. To his cred­it, he was always quick to make things right with his heavenly Father. God gave David quite a compliment when he said, “I have found David . . . a man after my own heart” (Acts 13:22).

Perhaps you have made some poor decisions or used bad judgment as a helper. God is there to help you get on the redemptive track. Join with David’s prayer, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).

Join a support group

As the old saying goes, “I can’t see the forest for the trees.” This is often the case with those who are affected by a loved one’s life-controlling problem. Find a church that has a group that understands your problem, is Christ-centered, and meets regularly. This can become added family during a difficult time in your life. There will be times that this group may see things you cannot see and lovingly support you through this challenge.

Don't give up

Take things a day at a time

Remind yourself every day that life is a journey. Each day is just one day in the span of this life. “For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by” (Psalm 90:4). When trying to help a loved one, there are some days, if not many, that it seems hopeless. Live each day focusing on Him, and God will work things out in your life some way or some how. “For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end” (Psalm 48:14).


Material adapted from Close but not too Close a booklet available in the online store.


Today's Living Free News

  • Living Free Outcomes Results

    Please click below for Living Free Outcomes Research:

    The data confirms the effectiveness of Living Free because of what God is doing through His Word, His Spirit and His people. The data reflects that no matter the location or facilitator, lives are being transformed and families restored by God through many local Living Free and Living Free Community ministries. We give God all the glory!


    For the newest results, 2016, click here

    Click here to see the 2013 results

    For the 2012 results, click here

    For the 2011 results, click here

  • Lead Pastor of Megachurch Endorses Living Free

    Click here to listen in on Lead Pastor John Lindell of James River Assembly in Ozark, Missouri sharing the reason why the Living Free discipleship program works.

    To hear the full message, go to and click on the "Messages and Resources" menu and find the message titled "Faith and Freedom."

  • Testimony from Rwanda

    God does heal the broken-hearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). Read the following testimony we received today regarding today's Living Free Every Day devotion provided by Living Free ministries.

    "Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ, Thank you so much for the message of forgiveness. Jesus Christ recommend us to forgive if we want to be forgiven. For us Rwandans, we are experiencing forgiveness and now we are free from the bondage of unforgiveness. When you forgive, even physically, you are released. I am telling you this because I have forgiven those who killed my parents and relatives. But, ask to be led by the Holy Spirit who will enable you to forgive those who sin against you."


    Jean de Dieu

    Rwanda- Central Africa

    Click here if you would like to subscribe to the Living Free Every Day devotions and start receiving them every weekday in your email inbox.

  • May 2013 Message from Living Free President

    Please read an important message from Dan Strickland, President of Living Free by clicking here.  
  • Upcoming Training Opportunities

    Interested in learning more about Living Free Ministries and how God can use you to impact your community? Check out upcoming training opportunities by clicking here.